We were able to fit into the MRI schedule today and will be taking Bean there without a sip of water or food for over 12 hours, but it is as it must be.

He will be in the machine at 12:30 - please send us thoughts, prayers, energy and love. We need all the help we can get!

We received word this afternoon that Gavin’s MRI scan from today was All Clear from a tumour perspective! No matter how many times we go through this, it never ceases to evoke anxiety. “Scanxiety” as they call it.

We are still waiting to hear from neurosurgery whether his shunt is draining too much or not, but at least that is a mechanical issue that can be corrected if necessary.

Thank you for all your thoughts over the last few days - the positive energy helps immeasurably.

Beanie and I made a little excursion yesterday morning to a local kids’ salon called Melonhead. Yes, it was time to snip those long, lustrous locks.

Gavin has had a difficult time with hair in his short life. He was born with very little of it, and all of that first crop fell out when he was about six weeks old. He was finally starting to sprout some more, when the cradle cap he’d been battling turned into something more like eczema and killed off the second batch, leaving him bald as a new-born at the age of 10 months.

Due to an unfortunate oversight, Gav’s scheduled MRI did not go ahead today.

We got to the hospital with plenty of time to spare for our 3:15 appointment and Gavin eventually fell asleep ahead of time after three or four total meltdowns, caused, I’m sure, by extreme hunger.

There have been a lot of questions from anesthesia as to how the thickener that Gav uses in his drinks acts in the digestive tract. Some anesthesiologists at the hospital have allowed procedures although he had had thickened water, others are not comfortable with it. I was told that Gavin should have nothing to eat after midnight last night and water up to three hours before the procedure. I questioned, myself, whether I should let him drink water, but was more concerned about keeping him completely dehydrated all day and so he had his last sip of water about 4 hours prior. That did not fit into the six hour window that the process mandates, so we were unable to go ahead.

I got the call this afternoon to come to MRI tomorrow. Big, huge sigh. Dr. Dirks had requested one “sometime within the next few weeks” and we got in on a cancellation. So, we pretty much have to go, no matter how wrenching it is to do so. Our neurosurgeon will be looking for signs that Gavin’s current shunt is pumping too much CSF away from his brain. We are praying, knocking on wood and petitioning saints that this shunt is doing the right thing. Please join me tomorrow in focusing on a clear scan, tumour-free, with no sign that the shunt is malfunctioning. I need a huge bubble of protective, loving energy floating around Gavin’s little noggin.

When Bean was a newborn, I joined a group of mamas who met once a week at the house of a wise woman named Sasha. Sasha is a mother, doula, yoga instructor and local guru to newly hatched mummies and their babes. Each week, we were encouraged to sit in a circle and talk, and share one thing from the week that was sweet, and one thing that was sour. Inevitably, there were tears. We talked about birth stories, sleeplessness, breastfeeding, crying, and arguments with partners. In a way that only new mums can do, we discussed at length the minutiae of baby care. Nail clipping, cradle cap, diaper changes, and first foods all got a thorough going-over. Of course, there were some weeks that felt beyond challenging, but it was always helpful to remember that even in the worst times there is always a sweet moment or two. I continue to try to learn the value of this lesson every day.

Transcript of Gavin playing with a box before bed this evening:

I’m going to close this box because I don’t want raccoons, or deer, or ducks, or squirrels, or monkeys, or George, or animals, or any stuff going in there!

I have to close this box because I don’t want animals or ducks or squirrels getting in there, so I have to close it every night when I go to sleep. I close the box… and that is going to keep it nice and warm.

Today we checked in with Dr. Dirks, Gavin’s neurosurgeon, in clinic. It has been three weeks since Bean’s shunt revision, and he is doing well. I am not sure if the doctor is pleased with Gav or not, I think he is suspending judgement until we have a look at the next scans. We will return to MRI within the month, looking for indicators that Gav’s shunt is now draining too rapidly. If we find signs of this issue, then Beanie will undergo another shunt revision to replace the one he currently has. This means that the next MRI will be more than a month before we are due for scheduled imaging. I have to take this as a good thing as his last scan was over two months late. We cannot allow that to happen again, for obvious reasons.

We celebrated Father’s Day yesterday at Bubby and Da’s cottage north of Toronto. The earth seemed determined to show us how beautiful and full of wonder it is. Unclouded blue skies and perfect sunshine from dawn until dusk, and various members of our wildlife family popping by for a visit. Gavin saw a beaver for the first time.

Bean’s Daddy is not a fan of gifts and hoopla, so the day’s sentiments were expressed in a simple home-made card. Gavin helped me and Bubby make pancakes, and then we all went on the first boat ride of the season. Last September, Gavin drove the boat with Da, an event which has lived large in his memory over the last nine months, so we were all quietly thrilled to take him out and have a turn at the wheel again. Of course, we had to take it easy, and did not stay out too long, but we hope it was the first of our summer lake adventures.

Alright. The messages I have received from all of you lovely people have had a common theme: Patience, Erica! I hear you! I admit that I have a teeny tiny tendency to look at things in the darkest possible way. Our Craig is a beacon of optimism to my sea of negativity. But I do always get over myself and get back on track. That is one of my good qualities.