Bundled Up

Despite the challenges he has faced, in many ways our Gavin remains a typical two-year old boy. He comes out with things that have us rolling on the floor laughing, he charms everyone he meets with a sweetness and engaging light, and he frustrates his mama to the breaking point with stubborn-stop-everything tantrums.

Last weekend we took a family trip to Bubby and Da’s cottage, an experiment in going away with Tankie and hypertension meds. All went well, and Bean enjoyed tobogganing and playing hide-and-seek in unexplored territory. While we were out playing in the snow, (a frosty but brilliant -10 day) he was initiated into a time-honoured Canadian rite of passage: the snowy face-plant. I admit I freaked out a bit more than a normal mum would if her child got a bit of snow on his face, but the kid is wearing oxygen prongs!

Last week I learned some news that made my heart well with grief. A little girl from our unit has left us, after a long and ferocious struggle in the ICU. Her name was Cadence, and she occupied the room next to us during our stay in critical care. There have been many times that I have thought of her and prayed for her to find the strength to get through this, but her condition was such that her small body did not have the resources to fend off any kind of infection.

Australia Day 2011

Happy Australia Day! On this very day, TEN long years ago, my lovely London flat-mates invited me out to celebrate Aussie day with them. It was a typical January night in England, that is to say, cold and rainy. Little did I know that at one point in the evening I would end up sharing an umbrella with my future husband. (I’m sure his girlfriend at the time would’ve been surprised by that too.) Fate has a mysterious way of pushing us into the path of the people we’re meant to meet. Many of the people we knew then are still so close to our hearts, if not geographically near.

Our house is a very, very, very fine house.

– Graham Nash

We are home. Everything is overwhelming and busy, but I’m slowly starting to be able to handle it. We’ve been home for little more than 48 hours but it already feels like an age.

Discharge Day was not easy. I spent the whole day packing, moving things, running errands and consulting with various people. We finally got the go-ahead to leave at around 3:00, had all of our meds ready, and received our portable oxygen tank. (It comes with a shoulder strap!) I felt like a runner forced to wait in the blocks for 6 hours waiting to hear the starting gun go off. Bubby, Auntie Loz and I wheeled Gavin out in his stroller, bundled up in winter gear for the first time this season and marched triumphantly through the hospital to the car. It took Lauren and I about 15 minutes to get Gavin into his car-seat with his oxygen tank settled on the floor. You’d think we were getting ready for a lunar landing.

Today has been a long day, of cleaning, stress, packing, moving stuff, interacting with Toronto’s Finest, and general racing around. We are still on track for discharge tomorrow and I’m praying fiercely that nothing will prevent us from actually going.

Beanie and I had an early morning after another sleepless hospital night. I felt pretty cranky but tried not to get too upset with the early hour. I convinced him to order a waffle from Meal Train rather than an English muffin. (He has eaten an English muffin for every meal for days now.) He had a few bites of the waffle but lost interest in it and started demanding his new favourite. Tears ensued. I called Meal Train again and explained the situation, and the woman I spoke with agreed to send an English muffin up, rather grudgingly I might add. I don’t know where the Meal Train people are, but it must be in some subterranean dungeon far away from the light of day, judging by the general air of disinterest and cantankerousness they generally emit.

The word Tuesday is being bandied about on the unit. Yes, the plan is for us to leave on Tuesday. This means only two more full days in hospital, and the end to the limbo we currently reside in. I am alternately thrilled and panicked.

We have dreamt of this since the day we were last admitted: November 21st, 2010. By my calculations we have been on the inside for 48 days. In all of that time, Gavin has not been outside once. Throughout these days we have prayed hard and shed countless tears. But we have also laughed, in wonderful child-like giggle fits, and we have filled those days with play and games and Bean’s happiness.

The other day I thought I noticed something, but convinced myself I was seeing things. Today I am proud and thrilled to say definitively that Gavin’s eyelashes are growing back. As we cuddled this morning his sparse little eyelash stubble caught my eye. They are wee, but they are there. Does this mean there is hair in the near future? Tears welled as I realized how much I’ve missed his long lashes.

Last night, while the world was out guzzling champagne and looking for someone to kiss at the stroke of twelve, the new year arrived here at hospital with little fanfare. And yet, here we are in 2011 with a clean slate, ready to tackle life at home and all of the challenges that normal brings.

Our year begins with a fly-by visit from Gavin’s Nana, who decided on impulse to jet over from Australia and has Uncle Ryan accompanying her. Unfortunately, Pop had to stay at home to work. Since I explained this to Gavin he keeps repeating, “no Poppy come, go to work,” in a little voice. So although we miss Poppy, Gavin was very excited to see Nana and Uncle Ryan today and we had his busiest day yet.

We have been back on 8B for well over a week and have not seen any significant change in Gavin’s oxygen requirements. We are trying not to rush him. Patience, grasshopper. He wears his prongs without complaint and only needs a minimal amount, but just can’t get over that last hurdle.

Otherwise, all is quiet around here as tumbleweeds roll through the hospital of the holidays. We had a lovely Christmas day. On Christmas Eve I pretended to be Santa Claus and we had a few dry runs at the concept of St. Nick putting presents in one’s stocking. In the morning Gav was up early and thrilled to find his presents, and also many gifts under our miniature tree. (made from a gingerbread kit the night before.) As Bean and a bleary-eyed mama starting opening gifts, Santa and helpers paid us a visit and brought even more presents for Bean. They snapped a quick pic, in which Gav was quite stony-faced due to shyness, and were off. I look like I’ve just rolled out of bed, surprisingly.

Tomorrow is Christmas. Although the day won’t be exactly as we imagined, we hope to take Gavin off the floor with a portable oxygen tank and have a quiet meal and presents with Bubby and Da, Uncle Duncle, Auntie Loz and Uncle Adam. I have not purchased any gifts this year, apart from a few things for Bean, but I’m sure my family forgives me. Actually, staying away from the shops altogether has been a refreshing change for this year.