It seems I am not allowed in this situation to say, “he’s getting better”. Of course I am forced to bitterly eat those words just 12 hours later.
Today we started off strong with Gavin breathing on his own and doing fairly well. But a few things plagued him throughout the day. We learned early on that there is some blood in his lungs and we have no idea why. He was sedated but less so than yesterday and often moved trying to pull out his tube. His blood pressure began to go very high and stayed for the rest of the day, and then oxygen levels went low, then resp rate went up. The RTs made a few changes, the fellow popped his head in, but I felt like no one was listening to us to solve these many problems.
Finally this evening we pinned the fellow down and got some answers about meds, platelets and ventilation. Unfortunately, solving all the problems for Gavin meant putting him back on the ventilator and immobilizing him again. He is peaceful now but it took many hours of fine-tuning doses and playing with settings. We hope he doesn’t have to go back on the oscillator, but he may tonight.
I have felt very negative and tearful today. I’m so disappointed that we’ve taken such a step backwards. I have a hard time focussing right now and can only see how grim the situation is. This has been going on for more than three weeks and there is no end in sight. We certainly will be staying in the ICU quite awhile longer.