Biopsy

A couple of posts back, Craig detailed the number of procedures that our Bean has had. Well, we are soon to add one more to the list. The team has decided today that we must do a lung biopsy to determine what is wrong with Gavin’s lungs. There are two things that they may find, but I don’t want to face the details of those just yet by writing them down.

We had hoped with our collective being that Gavin would show some improvement over the weekend in his need for oxygen, but sadly, that has not been the case. Yesterday, and the day before, we were able to turn his oxygen down slightly, but found today that he needed it to be turned back up to previous levels. He is incredibly tired and really not very well. He continues very nauseated, and although we tried to start a little bit of formula feed yesterday, he was constantly sick so we gave it up as a futile effort. He vomited 7 times yesterday.

This morning he seemed very tired again, as he had a restless sleep with much tossing and turning, and moaning in his sleep. It doesn’t help that he has IV lines, a sat probe, monitor leads, and the oxygen mask and tubing all entangling him. I ended up curled up in his bed again and he flopped constantly all night long. It didn’t help that we had visits from nurses, the doctor, and and RT in the earlier hours of the night. I think he needs a long sleep in a nice quiet environment. Unfortunately, the roar of the oxygen tank makes that impossible.

Today is hard for me to see the bright side. I’m coming off of three long nights in here and those broken sleeps make everything harder to deal with. I’m telling myself to stop these negative thought patterns and put my efforts into supporting Gavin through this surgery with positivity and light. The silver lining of today is that Gavin has officially engrafted. His counts are now recovered. At least this means that he will be in a better place to heal after the surgery is finished. No one can know how it will go, but we hope we can return to our room to recover after. They will hold a bed in the ICU just in case.

I’m asking everyone today to send us strong, strong messages of healing, hope, light and love.