Like most four-and-a-half-year-olds, Gav can come out with some pretty hilarious things sometimes. Here are a few recent diamonds:
I don’t like this plastic fork, I need a metal one. This one is so… unstabby.
At the beach:
Hahaha! That wave just splashed me in the penis!
Last night we were doing face-paints, something we like to do often. Gavin was painting my face to look like an animal of his imagination, and this was his running commentary:
You know what? This animal has a white moustache. He doesn’t eat with his mouth, he eats with his moustache, isn’t that weird? You know how this animal smells? He uses his eyes! He goes like this. (Proceeds to bug out eyes as though sniffing) He’s called a chickadee fox. He’s very fast – he can run 40 miles in 100! He doesn’t even need to catch his breath. The good thing about him is that he’s the fastest animal on the whole Earth. If a cheetah was chasing him, he’d just speed away. He’s the coolest animal on the whole, wide Earth.
We had the conversation below just before bedtime the other night. Gavin has been having a lot of bad dreams lately and often dreams about monsters, etc. He also watched too much TV in Florida, unsupervised, so some of this may have been a result. Damn you, idiot box.
G: Is there such a thing as monsters?
Me: No, hon. There are no real monsters.
G: Is there such a thing as aliens?
G: Is there such a thing as robots?
Me: Yes, there are robots.
G: What about BAD robots?
Me: No, there aren’t any bad robots. (Here I proceed to explain that as robots are made by humans, they do what they are programmed to and therefore can’t be bad, but secretly thoughts of HAL are going through my head.)
G: But they could exist in the future. (!)
Me: Yeah, I guess…
G: OR, they could come from outer space. From another planet.
(Now I explain that just as it is unlikely that there are aliens, it is not entirely impossible, but we know that no planets in our solar system support life, robot or otherwise.)
G: Well… They could come from a planet outside our solar system.
Me: Theoretically, yes.
G: I want to go to the planet of the bad robots and FIGHT them!!
Me: Ummm, hmm. (Trying to find a way out of this conversation) Unfortunately, we don’t have a spaceship fast enough to take us outside of the solar system.
G: Well then, we should go to the people who make the spaceships and TELL them that they should make a fast spaceship. Then we can go.
Heads up, NASA!